SOME BASIC SELF-DEFENSE TIPS TO REMEMBER:
- Be Aware. Awareness is one of the most important things in Self Defense. By being aware of your surroundings, many threats on the streets can be avoided.
- If you see or sense problems on your way, change route or go to the other side of the road and prepare to run or defend yourself.
- Use common sense and restraint. Everyone has choices on where they go and how they get there. Keep to well lit areas, go with a buddy, avoid dangerous areas.
- Be aware of where you are.
- Never act or appear to be an easy target. Don’t look like victim. Someone who is walking with their head down and an uncertain gait presents an easy target.
- Have body language that exudes self-confidence.
- Your priorities are survival and escape.
- Get_a_survivor_mentality.(See our post about Mindset)
“I have people who count on me and I am going home tonight”.
- Use anything you can get your hands on as a self defense weapon. A pen in your purse, keys, your fingernails-anything that might cause injury to your attacker.
- Most “fights” are won before they start, an aggressor may back down if you maintain eye contact and do not appear to be intimidated by them.
- Be loud, attract attention, shout words that most people understand such as no or stop.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point on your body.
If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide.
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you….
Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you,
and he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,
kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy..
The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS!)
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in
on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
Your Air Bag will save you and you have car insurance for a reason. If the person is in the back seat unbelted, they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor ,and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women
are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle,
and the passenger side… If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
D.) Never Use Your Keys As A Weapon: Contrary to popular belief, your keys are not a good weapon. Using your keys as a weapon can injure your hand, the keys can break, you lose your “key to safety” and you lose access to your car and home, which are safe havens. Unless it’s a LARGE key. Then it’s a good weapon.
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone
and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times (cops who are specially trained in shooting, only have a 1 in 15 chances of hitting you!); and even then,
it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:
STOP! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,
well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked ‘for help’ into his vehicle or with his vehicle,
which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.. The police told her
‘Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door..’
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried
that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, ‘We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.’
He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax
women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that
they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.
10. Water scam!
If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your
outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and then attack. They do this with a Crying Baby sound too- anything to get you to come outside your house where you are unaware and unprotected.
WHEN IT’S TOO LATE
If you have gotten yourself into a violent situation, the most important thing is to react immediately.
Run, Run, Run. If the predator has a gun but you are not under his control, take off. Experts say the predator will only hit you, a running target, four out of every 100 shots. And even then, it most likely will not be a vital organ.
Stay Put. Do not let your attacker take you to an abandoned area. If he does, the likelihood that you will be seriously injured increases tenfold, says Burns. You do not want to get to “crime scene number two” so do whatever it takes and never give up.
Hit the Attacker Where It Counts. The eyes, knees, throat and groin are very vulnerable, good places to gouge and kick. But listen to your instincts and try to determine if a counter attack by you is the best approach. If you do decide to fight, make sure your first move is as forceful as possible. It may be your only hope.
Try Anything and Everything. Additional approaches are offering your wallet, jumping out at a stoplight, doing something to cause an accident, or signaling to other drivers. If you are thrown into the trunk of a car, experts advise you to kick out the back tail lights, stick your arm out the hole, and start waving wildly. The driver won’t see you but everyone else will. This trick is said to have saved lives.
How to Spot Psychopaths
Hiring a contractor or babysitter? Or doing some online dating? Don’t rely on your “sixth sense” to keep you safe.
We’d all like to think that we have some sort of sixth sense that will warn us when we’re truly in danger, some animal instinct that raises the hair on the backs of our necks, gives us goose bumps and sends us running in the opposite direction.
Retired FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole, Ph.D., is here to tell us the truth about trusting our intuition in perilous situations. In “Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Feelings Betray Us,” she outlines how to protect yourself and your loved ones from bad people. Her tips are especially useful if you’re thinking of doing some online dating, hiring a contractor/nanny/assistant, or letting your child’s coach or another parent give him a ride home.
It’s perilous out there, and you could just crawl under the covers (with your entire family) and never come out. Or you can learn from O’Toole’s 28 years of experience as an FBI agent, 15 of them as a profiler with the Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU)—the work popularized by shows like CBS’s “Criminal Minds.” O’Toole worked on such cases as the Green River Killer, the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping and the hunt for the Unabomber. This and other experience interrogating wrongdoers taught her how to read people.
It also taught her that she can’t eyeball a serial killer or a rapist or a psychopath—no one can. Even if you pride yourself on being a good judge of character, crime stats show that the majority of people are wrong…and often.
In the 1997 bestseller “The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence,” security consultant Gavin de Becker had some compelling anecdotes about women who smelled danger, owned their fear, and walked away with their lives. Oprah dedicated an entire show in 2008 to celebrating the 10th anniversary of de Becker’s popular book on how fear can save your life.
As empowering as it would be to have that survival sixth sense, O’Toole makes the case for being prepared rather than jeopordizing your safety by trying to “wing it.” O’Toole is not one to go with her gut. “People are adamant about holding on to the idea that they have exquisite instincts,” she says. “But how many times do you really think ‘I better listen to my stomach and do what my stomach says’? Have you really had success with doing that?”
Your judgment can be thrown off by factors like fear, stress, fatigue, alcohol or drugs, she says. “What if your inner radar was off that day?” O’Toole cites many hair-raising cases she’s familiar with from her time at the FBI. Rather than relying on your fear, what she calls her SMART system (a sound method of assessing and recognizing trouble) is a series of interviewing techniques meant to be empowering. Using the type of questioning she teaches to law enforcement officials, you can learn to evaluate contractors, boyfriends, nannies and the like. “This gives people the ability to be their own profiler, in everyday life,” O’Toole says.
Scenario 1: You’re hiring a contractor to work on your house. He’ll be there with you and your family, and sometimes when you’re not home.
“Having someone come into your home with access to you (especially if you live alone) and your things is often such a casual decision,” O’Toole says. Instead, treat your first meeting like an interview. “Extracting info and reading people is a process,” says O’Toole. “You want to know if their response to criticism is going to be disproportionate. Is this the kind of person that’s just going to go ballistic?”
Among her interviewing tips: Plan the interview, be calm, and set some goals for it. You want to build a rapport and not babble on, hijacking the interview. Take it slow and “listen between the lines,” says O’Toole. Phrase questions in an open-ended, non-judgmental way: “When you’ve worked with someone and there was a problem, how did you deal with it?” Or “If someone wasn’t happy with your work, how did you deal with that?” If he avoids answers, gets defensive (“Why would you ask me such a thing?”), or changes the subject, take note.
O’Toole suggests writing down your evaluation of a person, and looking for clusters of these troubling behaviors, not just a single incident, and trying to put them in context before you make a decision.
Scenario 2: You’ve recovered from a bad breakup and are ready to date—online.
Brad’s profile catches your eye right off. He describes himself as “fit and good-looking,” and says, “I’m looking for the perfect soulmate I can love forever, someone who will love and take care of me.” O’Toole writes about the case of William Michael Barber (the “Don Juan of con”) who romanced victims via dating sites, married them, cleaned out their bank accounts, and then disappeared.
However, for would-be daters afraid that every Mr. Right is Mr. Scarypants, experts estimate psychopaths as comprising about 1 percent of the general population. Psychopathy is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of empathy or remorse, and by shallow emotions, among other things. However, they can be extremely charming and manipulative, and have learned to mime feelings in what O’Toole calls “impression management.” They are also, she says, masters at spotting your vulnerabilities.
Back to Brad’s profile. Although it’s unlikely he is a true psychopath, there are other negative behaviors to watch out for. “If you’re going to be online dating, look at the words in profiles,” she says. Look for lots of I/me statements that could indicate narcissism. And, from the above profile, the guy describing himself as good-looking could be a narcissist, she says. (She also points out that his adoring niece might have written his profile.) Plus, your own vulnerabilities can color your perception of him. If you ignore his initial neediness because you love that he’s always calling and texting to tell you how beautiful you are, you might wake up five years later with a possessive, jealous husband and think it’s a sudden change, O’Toole says. Watch for patterns of behavior or hints about how he acted in past relationships. A line like “I’m not a game-player,” is a red flag. Perhaps, she says, someone else has accused him of that.
Questions she suggests asking include: “What are your biggest concerns about meeting people online?” “When you’ve had good dating experiences, how did they go?” “When you’ve had bad dating experiences, how did those go?” She points out that if he blames all bad dates on the women involved, that’s a red flag.
Scenario 3: Your son Max has made a new friend, Steve, and wants to spend the night. You don’t know Steve’s family.
After buying some time, you need to meet the friend’s parents, O’Toole suggests. Even then, if they “seem nice” and have a well-mowed lawn, that doesn’t mean they don’t have unlocked guns or drugs lying around, own a pet cobra, text madly while driving, or have creepy Uncle Biff living in the basement. Get to know the parents. Check local registered sex offender lists and dangerous dog registries (the book has a chapter on such resources). Check out family members’ MySpace or Facebook pages. Visit the house; if you see anything suspicious,that opens the door to ask about it and judge how the family reacts.
Scenario 4: A uniformed telephone repairman is at your front door, but you don’t have an appointment. The last time you let in a repairman, everything went fine—and you don’t want to seem rude.
O’Toole brings up the case of Joe LaRette, who posed as a telephone repairman to get into women’s homes, whereupon he sexually assaulted and/or murdered them. Among the questions O’Toole suggests asking yourself are: Are you expecting someone? How easy would it be for him to push his way in? Are you alone? If not, is there someone there (like a child), you’d want to protect (making you more vulnerable)? Is there a way to verify the person’s identity without opening the door—for example, by calling the company? Does he have anything in his hands that could be used as a weapon?
She says that we tend to think that other people are like us, not looking to hurt others. That’s not, alas, true. Her bottom line advice: “I would recommend not opening the door at all. Anyone with a legitimate reason to be there will leave a note or follow up with a phone call. Although this might seem rude, consider that your safety is more important than whether the company gets the job done that day.”
Know how your mind works! Profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole lists five common ways you undermine your perception of people:
NORMALIZING: finding an explanation for risky behaviors. Example: Your daughter’s boyfriend complains angrily about his job and has been practicing at a shooting range. You tell yourself he’s just letting off steam.
RATIONALIZING: A strange car is parked in front of your house for hours with a man sitting in it. You decide not to call the police because you don’t want them to think you’re overreacting.
EXPLAINING IT AWAY: The parents of a missing child turned that child’s bedroom into an office shortly after the disappearance, O’Toole says. The police had decided they weren’t suspects and explained it by saying that the house was small, and they needed a “nerve center” to manage the search efforts. (The child, says O’Toole, was never found.)
IGNORING: Denial or willful blindness on the part of parents, for example, whose school-age child is alienated and looking up bomb-making online.
ICON INTIMIDATION: Bernie Madoff looked prosperous and had rich and famous clients who swore by him. A nice suit, good grooming, and a smile, not to mention family connections or a good job, can go a long way toward fooling you.
WHAT MAKES PEOPLE DANGEROUS
O’Toole has come up with a list of what she calls CTD behaviors (concerning, threatening or dangerous) that should give you pause, whether it’s your plumber, your daughter’s boyfriend or a new co-worker.
These are the top five:
- inappropriate anger
- lack of empathy
- injustice collecting (someone who holds onto past slights or wrongdoings)
“THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Click Share Button to share it on your Wall.
It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone should read this especially each and every girl in this world.
Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and
armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, and go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.